Unrequited Love

Love, no matter how strong will always be inconsequential against time!

He never left her side, made her his only mission,

Woke up next to her,

Every morning with determination…

Their lives, perfectly entwined,

Her happiness always made him smile…

Her hopeless demands,

The never-ending fights…

He happily gave in; she completely defined his life.

This love became habit,

Habit that eventually turned into compulsion.

Rather than living with her, he started to live for her,

A million calls in the day,

And constantly checking on her at night,

This became such an integral part of his life.

But love doesn’t continue forever,

People leave, she was summoned early.

As he sat next to the deceased figure,

He still expected her to smile,

Life isn’t always decent, and habits take a long time to fade…

the phone calls will now be unrequited,

& her side of the bed will be empty, always…

He doesn’t know how to act anymore,

He doesn’t know how to survive anymore…

Leaving home is a task and coming back doesn’t feel right…

Times like these remind us,

Love, no matter how strong will always be inconsequential against time!

One of the many resolutions of 2020….

Now this wish I’d like to fulfill; so, it turns out that missy doesn’t really want things in life, but she is only craving for experiences.

Don’t give your kids everything, I am glad my parents didn’t! I did not have everything and that yearning resulted in doing better in the future. Today I am at a threshold where I am constantly fighting my emotions. As a mother I want to give the world to my daughter and sometimes I give in to her demands but then I realize what if I had not given it to her, would she go out and invent something that she really needs.

Well, it’s about last night. Missy these days likes to play the part of a doctor and to look more convincing she wears a stethoscope that is part of a kit that was gifted to her last year. Since she has broken most of the essential elements of the kit she is left with just bare minimum. I noticed the sincerity of her actions yesterday, she had safely packed the leftovers of her kit in a plastic box and she treated my husband and I like actual patients. Then I realized because she didn’t have all the elements, she used whatever she had more creatively. The small toy burner from the kitchen set became a BP machine, pen became a syringe. She anyway proved her point with whatever little she had.

I immediately thought of buying the kit for her and then something in my mind told me not to. Shall I give her everything that she wants, or shall I let her discover, create? I decided last night that I won’t buy everything that she wants instead I will make sure she uses a makeshift arrangement and when she’s ready to accept her gift I will give it to her thankfully. Also, last night while my husband and I were busy watching a movie missy joined us in between and got so inspired by the ocean and its inhabitants that she expressed her need to go to the ocean immediately. Now this wish I’d like to fulfill; so, it turns out that missy doesn’t really want things in life, but she is only craving for experiences. Last night I slept more determined and inspired. Determined because I want to stop myself from spoiling her and inspired because my daughter is the explorer that I always wanted to be.

This year will be different from all the other years, I have decided to learn from missy and not teach her anything. I will let her guide me and I won’t force my superseded thoughts on her.

Being Yourself

Be sure you’re happy!

To be at a place and witness it rise and to be away and witness it fall apart…. I saw it all, as I write this I know things are surfacing. The dreams are changing and the vision is broadening. The lies have debilitated giving clear way to the truth and its happening now and it somehow makes me happy. I no longer belong to that place but I am content. Most of what I write is ambiguous and it’s difficult for people to understand, still come to think of it, we have all been at a place like that. Haven’t we? The place that didn’t exist but was made to, so that people could find comfort in the lies while the deception could benefit some. I belonged to the group that could see beyond the stories, someone who would question the statements, who’d need constant affirmations on the reasoning.

I am happy at least I saw the truth, it helped me mature. This wasn’t the only place and there will be many such instances but I select to stick with what’s right because it’s difficult to live with a prickly conscience. I may not always climb the ladder and may have to step down once or twice but I’d only come back stronger and more alive.

So, for anyone who has believed and wants to, never stop. Your audacity will be abhorred, you will be one constant target, your dreams will be made fun of but again everyone dreams yet only some remember. Keep dreaming, and keep performing but don’t forget to move on and away from what pricks your conscience because when the day turns into dark what remains is just you and your beliefs.

Be sure you’re happy!

Que Sera, Sera

What do you want her to be when she grows up? What would you like her to pursue? I am left with so many unaccomplished dreams that I’d want her to pursue everything that I like, yet every time I look into her eyes I realise I am facing a different person. She is a part of me but she is nothing like me. She is harboring unrealized dreams and there are many things that fascinate her, she is only 1. How can I dream anything for her? I can’t, rather I shouldn’t.
I want my baby to become anything that her heart desires. I want her to pursue happiness. She can be a princess today and she can be a sailor tomorrow. She can be a scientist today and a swimmer tomorrow, but for now she can be the child who doesn’t have to know limits. She can be the girl who doesn’t know the difference between her and the boy who lives across the street. She will know the differences as she grows old anyway but the only difference I will teach her for now is to differentiate between the good and the bad. I will teach her that people may try to take advantage of her and not because she is a girl but because there are bad people in this world.
She is allowed to skin her knee and she is also allowed to break someone else’s bones if needed. Yes, she is mine but even I won’t own her. I want her to know that she will be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. She is lucky for even her dad will support her, spoil her. I want her to know that we will give her the best in our reach but in return we would expect her to value it, for there are many unprivileged.
I have dreams for her, so many of them but eventually she will realise her dreams when she grows old and I will have to accept. Today she has started walking, tomorrow I wouldn’t want her to run away from me. I hope I can be the mother, I think I should be.

Trying to understand my Baby girl

Poem on mother

I have so much to learn, she has so much to teach,

Her tiny grasp, & the world still out of reach…

She teaches silently, with eyes that shine like enstatite,

She notices everything acutely, she happens to have a keen sight

How her smile transforms into questions,

How she abhors what dissuades her, with apparent objection,

She’s not easy but intricate

Sometimes I read her like a passage and

Sometimes she is nothing less than an adage…

I wasn’t always strong, but she inspires me to be

She gives me that inconceivable strength

That only superhuman feel…

She trusts me more than I trust myself,

Makes me feel like I have finally excelled …

I don’t know if I was anything before she came,

She has added colours in the monochrome frame…

We will understand each other more,

As life unfolds itself,

Till then we’ll observe each other and try to comprehend as much as we can!

Ⓒ Prakriti Kundaliya

 

Stuck in Time

A manuscript, and a glass of wine,

I had lost the track of time…

Surreal moments, broken tides,

I knew there was no haven to hide

My tears dry,

The pain still sharp…

I was stuck in a time warp..

My make-believe world,

Finally collapsed,

My unclothed soul, stood,

Unadorned, unabashed….

The dwellings changed and the people too,

Some consciously remained mute…

My life came to a halt, and the

Surroundings were covered by the murky fog,

Limbs paralysed, eyes wide

The senses numb,

Nowhere to run.

This is a lost fight,

It won’t get any better,

I have lost the place,

Now nothing really matters…

I have realized now,

I can’t change the future,

My world challenged,

More pain will follow…

Now, I am collecting figments,

That fragmented in the crash….

I am saving as many,

To remember the moments that, once were planned.

Ⓒ Prakriti Kundaliya

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Ⓒ Prakriti Kundaliya