One of the many resolutions of 2020….

Now this wish I’d like to fulfill; so, it turns out that missy doesn’t really want things in life, but she is only craving for experiences.

Don’t give your kids everything, I am glad my parents didn’t! I did not have everything and that yearning resulted in doing better in the future. Today I am at a threshold where I am constantly fighting my emotions. As a mother I want to give the world to my daughter and sometimes I give in to her demands but then I realize what if I had not given it to her, would she go out and invent something that she really needs.

Well, it’s about last night. Missy these days likes to play the part of a doctor and to look more convincing she wears a stethoscope that is part of a kit that was gifted to her last year. Since she has broken most of the essential elements of the kit she is left with just bare minimum. I noticed the sincerity of her actions yesterday, she had safely packed the leftovers of her kit in a plastic box and she treated my husband and I like actual patients. Then I realized because she didn’t have all the elements, she used whatever she had more creatively. The small toy burner from the kitchen set became a BP machine, pen became a syringe. She anyway proved her point with whatever little she had.

I immediately thought of buying the kit for her and then something in my mind told me not to. Shall I give her everything that she wants, or shall I let her discover, create? I decided last night that I won’t buy everything that she wants instead I will make sure she uses a makeshift arrangement and when she’s ready to accept her gift I will give it to her thankfully. Also, last night while my husband and I were busy watching a movie missy joined us in between and got so inspired by the ocean and its inhabitants that she expressed her need to go to the ocean immediately. Now this wish I’d like to fulfill; so, it turns out that missy doesn’t really want things in life, but she is only craving for experiences. Last night I slept more determined and inspired. Determined because I want to stop myself from spoiling her and inspired because my daughter is the explorer that I always wanted to be.

This year will be different from all the other years, I have decided to learn from missy and not teach her anything. I will let her guide me and I won’t force my superseded thoughts on her.

Que Sera, Sera

What do you want her to be when she grows up? What would you like her to pursue? I am left with so many unaccomplished dreams that I’d want her to pursue everything that I like, yet every time I look into her eyes I realise I am facing a different person. She is a part of me but she is nothing like me. She is harboring unrealized dreams and there are many things that fascinate her, she is only 1. How can I dream anything for her? I can’t, rather I shouldn’t.
I want my baby to become anything that her heart desires. I want her to pursue happiness. She can be a princess today and she can be a sailor tomorrow. She can be a scientist today and a swimmer tomorrow, but for now she can be the child who doesn’t have to know limits. She can be the girl who doesn’t know the difference between her and the boy who lives across the street. She will know the differences as she grows old anyway but the only difference I will teach her for now is to differentiate between the good and the bad. I will teach her that people may try to take advantage of her and not because she is a girl but because there are bad people in this world.
She is allowed to skin her knee and she is also allowed to break someone else’s bones if needed. Yes, she is mine but even I won’t own her. I want her to know that she will be allowed to make mistakes and learn from them. She is lucky for even her dad will support her, spoil her. I want her to know that we will give her the best in our reach but in return we would expect her to value it, for there are many unprivileged.
I have dreams for her, so many of them but eventually she will realise her dreams when she grows old and I will have to accept. Today she has started walking, tomorrow I wouldn’t want her to run away from me. I hope I can be the mother, I think I should be.