My world came crashing down again
I realised once again I was betrayed
How, I didn’t know.
Why I had a faint idea.
I can’t afford to be a know it all,
The ball isn’t anymore in my court
I have been let down and I wish I could let them down,
The cycle still incomplete
I am stuck at the turnaround.
Move it, I screamed,
inside my head.
Move on, I cried,
“You’re better than that, you always were”,
The forlorn heart tries to help.
But the lies too sharp
Gnawed at my heart
I was stuck, the limbs felt numb,
The reality harsh,
It really hurt.
I had met the sayers,
But the doers were dead…
They said something and did something else instead,
I understood conspiracies,
Once after they were hatched,
As I sat, all by myself.
Finally I started to solve the puzzle,
Every piece that fit,
Left me a tad more bewildered.
I understood the lies stacked,
And the people involved,
I could count them on my fingers before,
I eventually moved on,
I wouldn’t forget them or what they had done,
I will keep them in my memory,
Till their deeds come undone.
And when finally we meet,
I will look through them,
Like they never were a part of my realm.
You can’t be both,
A happy mother & a successful working mom,
There was never such a thing as above,
Make a choice, you will have to,
When you grasp the tiny finger,
Withdraw, you can’t be happy forever…
Teach her to love,
Then teach her a thing about separation…
Soon she will get used to the absence, but would you?
Every day I leave her, I put up a brave face,
I am scared to get too used to her smiles,
I need to focus,
The reality is vile.
You’re not just a working mother,
You’re also a working woman,
So every moment is a challenge,
& the logics are weighed on a patriarchal scale.
I want to compete with men,
Be just like them,
Then I remember she must be waiting
& expecting this stranger anytime,
There is so much I will never be able to do,
Because I still can’t make a choice,
Her love is stronger &
So is my pride.
Does every mom choose?
Or does it come easy to them,
Are they allowed a refuge or
Are they always confused?
I still want both the worlds,
Someday, maybe she will understand,
Why I left her behind the doors &
Why I could never take a stand.